One month since we adopted Haddon

Well, where to begin? We’ve been home from China three (almost four now) weeks. It’s been one month, six days since Haddon became part of our family  (I keep adding to that number because this post has taken almost a week to write). Life is very different from just six weeks ago, when we left for China!

The overall theme is joy. Haddon has attached to us really well so far and we have attached to him. He is taking all the changes surprisingly well and is an overall happy kid. We love this little boy and it all feels right — like he belongs here with us.

All of the above may not seem like a big deal, but it really is. There are so many sticky spots with adoption and I don’t take for granted the fact that things have gone so smoothly and the love is naturally flowing in both directions. It’s a grace from God and we are so thankful.

I’ll go back and write in more detail about our time in China (in short, it was amazing!) but right now let’s focus on the past three-ish weeks.

The journey itself home from China was not fun. Everything went as planned — we are so, so thankful there were no delays or hitches — but traveling for more than 24 hours straight on little sleep and with a two-year-old is just never going to be easy. I felt bad for those seated around us on the flight from Beijing… they heard more than a little crying and screaming.

But our arrival in Chicago was beautiful. We were so happy to be home and my entire family was there to greet us with Corban and Mara, and signs and cupcakes. Haddon instantly perked up after crying through customs (which did get us to the front of the line, by the way) and just had a blast running around the airport with his siblings and cousins.

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It was a sweet greeting, and I’m so glad our friend and photographer Anna Sparks was there to document it.

The first few days home were emotional and overwhelming. Our house was a complete disaster in every way. We were jet lagged. Haddon had nights and days mixed up. I was sick for a couple days on top of being in a haze of sleep deprivation and overwhelm, grateful for friends and family reaching out yet not ready to re-enter normal life yet.

Peter went back to work right away on Monday (we got home Saturday night) and I am so grateful my mom came to help out for a few days. She helped with meals, kid-wrangling and cleaning. Without her it would have felt impossible to move beyond the piles of laundry, suitcases and just generally dirty house (that’s what happens when cats are the only inhabitants for any amount of time). It also would have been daunting getting the kids all to nap at once!

Thanks, Mom!

Haddon was overwhelmed by our house at first. In China he lived in a small apartment with four foster siblings, and then in a hotel room with us — he’s always been surrounded by people at all times. So our four-bedroom home is a change for him. For the first few days he would start to panic if he was in a room alone even for a few seconds. Nothing too intense, but it was a sign to me that we needed to keep his world small for a while, as adoption experts recommend.

So our first week was spent at home recovering, playing, cleaning, helping Haddon explore our house and neighborhood and minimally venturing out (both for Haddon’s sake and mine — I was terrified to take all three kids somewhere on my own). We cleared our schedule but still played outside with neighbors and had a couple drop-in visitors. Even with minimal stimulation the days felt busy and exhausting, for Haddon probably even more than me.

We’ve attempted to keep that quiet, low-key lifestyle up but even when I don’t go out of my way to make plans, somehow we end up doing things. That’s been fine for the most part. Corban and Mara basically beg for social opportunities, and Haddon’s attachment to Peter and me is strong and he is happy to be out and about too, so we’re rolling with it and slowly adding more as it’s comfortable.

Three across in a Ford Taurus for the win!

We’ve had friends over to play, met friends at parks, gone to beer gardens, had Peter’s parents visit for a day, gone out to eat (once), gone to church, etc. These are a lot of things that attachment experts advise against in the first few weeks, but like I said, Haddon’s attachment to us is strong and these are things that just feel appropriate and necessary for our family’s happiness. Going forward I think we’ll be at normal activity level. We even went to the pool today with friends.

One of the biggest blessings of this past month (aside from Haddon himself, who is beyond wonderful!) is how loved and supported we’ve felt from our family, friends, neighbors and even people we just met, barely know or haven’t talked to in ages. It is incredible and makes me tear up just thinking about it. The emails, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, prayers, meals, gifts, cards, offers of help… I’ve at times felt overwhelmed but, oh my goodness, is genuine care from those around you not the best thing to be overwhelmed by? I thank God every day that He has brought people into our lives who are so supportive and generous with their words and time. Without all this support this all would be so much harder. It’s a beautiful thing to feel the warmth of community and I wish every family going through a big transition would feel this kind of embrace.

A meal from a friend… huge blessing!

Some areas to note about Haddon (if I’m on top of things I’ll update monthly (OK, maybe bi-monthly?) to track progress):

Play

Haddon plays independently really well — his favorites are toy cars, our play kitchen, musical instruments and the kiddie pool (he would probably choose to live in that thing). He runs around with Corban and Mara but otherwise I think it’s still hard for him to truly play with them — both because of the language barrier and because he tends to be really possessive of the toys he’s playing with. I’m not sure if that’s an issue relating to being in an orphanage setting or just normal toddler behavior. Probably both.

Language

In China, we tried to speak to Haddon in our limited Mandarin and not throw too many English words at him. He came to us speaking simple Mandarin sentences, but I’m not sure how wide his vocabulary actually was/is. We have learned some basic Mandarin words and phrases (which, by the way, I love and want to continue learning) and can generally figure out what he’s saying as it relates to a need or desire.

But oh is it exciting to watch him learn English! Upon our arrival home,  he had learned to say “I love you,” “good morning,” “diaper” and “bye bye,” without us really trying too hard to teach him.

Within his first day or two home he knew our cats’ names and “gentle” a.k.a. our mantra to him when petting the cats (also, he’s obsessed with the cats! They can usually cheer him up if he’s fussy). He calls both Corban and Mara “Co-ban.” Slowly but surely he’s started using more and more words on his own and in context: All done, potty, baby, fish, deer, otter, dog, ball, baby, banana, fan, drink, milk, hungry, etc…

I remember how exciting it was when we first realized Corban understood certain words and could point out pictures we named in books. It’s no less exciting to hear Haddon point to a picture of a ball in a book and say the word in English, or say to me at dinner “milk” and “drink” when I forgot to bring his cup to the table. You can see his little mind at work as he looks at something and tries to recall the right word in English. It doesn’t happen super often but more and more he is attempting to speak English and it feels just as magical and unexpected as hearing our biological kids speak their first few words.

Physical development

Well, we’ve had three doctors appointments so far and many more scheduled. Some of them are standard appointments every adopted child has: child development center for initial evaluation, pediatrician for vaccines, ophthalmologist, audiologist, dentist. It was not mentioned in his medical file but we learned our first day with Haddon that he walks on his toes on his left foot, causing him to limp. So for that we’ve seen a neurologist and rehabilitation doctor and will also see a physical therapist and orthopedic specialist. We’re certain we’ll have follow up eye doctor appointments based on our observations. So by the end of the summer our doctor appointments count will be well into double digits. It’s kind of like cramming all the visits you have in the first few years into a few months.

The important details: Haddon has cerebral palsy, which affects the muscles in his left leg. It’s a scary diagnosis but doesn’t change what we already knew about him: he’s smart (cerebral palsy is caused by a brain injury but it does not affect cognitive abilities) and he still gets around just fine, running and playing like most kids, and with therapy should be able to walk fairly normally. Right now it looks like treatment will consist of a leg brace and physical therapy. We have started doing ankle stretches with him and already his achilles tendon seems to be loosening up a little.

Haddon seems small compared to Corban and Mara, but is on the growth charts at around 30-40% for both height and weight. So he’s small for a Sherwood, but not that small really. It still feels like none of his clothes really fit, though! I think he’s somewhere between size 24 months and 2T, if that’s even possible. He wears about size 5 1/2 or 6 in shoes (but his only shoes that fit really well are from China so I don’t know that they translate exactly to a U.S. size).

Attachment

We’ve been blessed with quick attachment to and from Haddon. He started calling us Mama and Baba on day one and really seems to understand we’re his and he’s ours.

We have not been super strict about letting other people pick him up or help him with things when we’re in social settings. I never wrote a letter to friends and neighbors explaining attachment or cocooning, like some adoptive families do, and honestly have not really laid out any “rules” for friends and family (don’t feed, don’t hold, don’t offer too much affection, etc.). I figured Peter or I would just be there with him anytime he’s around others and be able to take care of his needs. Well, with two other kids in our care it doesn’t always work out that way! But I think we’re beyond the point of it really mattering, and since Haddon is pretty wary of strangers to begin with it hasn’t been a big deal if someone helps him tie his shoe or holds his hand while he walks up a couple steps. He does not show indiscriminate affection and is quite shy around new people.

While in China, Haddon seemed to be more attached to Peter, but since day one here at home he switched into Mama mode. I’m sure it’s because I’m the one home with him every day and I put him to bed most nights. He does ask about Baba throughout the day though (he started repeating, “Baba at work,” and that seems satisfactory even though I know he has no idea what it means).

Sleep

I don’t even want to know how many hours in the past month we’ve spent lying silently next to Haddon’s crib waiting for him to fall asleep. Every naptime and bedtime in China meant lights out, all of us lying down and pretending to sleep. It wasn’t always a quick process.

At home, Haddon sleeps in a crib in his own room. For the first few weeks, I would lie down on the floor next to his crib while he fell asleep. If he would wake up in the middle of the night (a normal occurrence at first, especially with the jet lag!) I would go back in and lie down. He would cry if I would get up and leave before he was asleep, so many nights I spent hours lying there (and falling asleep myself).

After about two weeks or so of that, I was going crazy feeling like I had no time away from the kids, and Haddon was taking longer and longer to fall asleep, watching me closely to make sure I wasn’t going to try to sneak out. It wasn’t working for any of us.

Now, one of us puts him to bed with a story, prayer and song, then tucks him in so he’s turned toward the wall (and not straining to watch us) and sits in the rocker in his room for a minute or two before leaving. He sometimes cries for a minute before quieting down and going to sleep. Although I think it was necessary for us to make him feel comfortable and secure in the first few weeks by lying down in his room, this is now a much better plan for all of us.

We had sent Haddon a care package in China with a photo album and a stuffed panda, and I’m so glad we did. His panda (or Mao Mao, as he calls it — panda is Xiang Mao in Mandarin) is his comfort item and he holds it and pets it while he falls asleep. When he’s tired and fussy, if we hold him and give him Mao Mao he calms down right away.

Food

Haddon is a good eater for the most part. His favorite foods are meat, eggs, dried seaweed, grape tomatoes, bread and fruit. Unfortunately there aren’t many vegetables I can convince him to eat, and oddly he doesn’t seem too crazy about rice. He eats very independently and is skilled with a fork and spoon.

Even though the milk in China is different from our milk (the stuff he drank was shelf stable instead of fresh), Haddon didn’t bat an eye at the switch to regular milk. He loves the stuff and drinks a lot.

We hit up our local Chinese grocery store last week and Haddon got really excited about some snacks he spotted there. It was cute and we stocked up on some of the snack foods we became familiar with in China (we are all fans). It’s nice that we have a local spot to find those things.

Potty training

I am back to cloth diapering. It was a tough reality to face at first but I guess it’s like riding a bike.

In China Haddon was not potty trained at all that we know of, but from the start he has shown signs of being ready. We didn’t want to push it until he was fully adjusted here though.

Well, looks like we are already boarding the potty train (ha) and I think the cloth diapers will be packed up again before long. Haddon has gone on the toilet a number of times in the past week, and has even initiated it himself a few times, saying “potty” to us. He gets really excited each time he uses the toilet successfully, so I think it’s time to make a sticker chart and make it official. He’ll be three in just over five weeks so this isn’t surprising.

Family dynamics

This has been a big adjustment for Corban and Mara too. They are handling the changes well (both the new brother and me being home full-time), but it can be a test of my patience since there are still the normal arguments and competitions but with a third one thrown in the mix.

There are times when Mara wants to be babied by me, and times when she tries to baby Haddon. Neither scenario goes very well. I think one-on-one time for her and me is going to be important in helping her get the attention she desires. Today was a rough afternoon for Mara so tonight I took her to Costco with me after Peter got home and it really changed her mood around. She was such a delight (and oh how much easier it is grocery shopping with one kid instead of three!).

Corban verbalized some disappointment in the early days with the fact that Haddon doesn’t speak English (yet). I think the language barrier makes it harder for them to fully connect right now — they are eager to show and tell him things, which is tender and adorable, but since he doesn’t understand everything there’s still a disconnect. There have still been a lot of sweet moments. When Haddon wakes up in the morning or after nap, the first thing he says is, “Corban?”

Corban is often eager to help Haddon out, and he still calls him by his Chinese name, HaoLei, most of the time and I find that really sweet. All three kids love listening to this CD we have that includes traditional English and Mandarin nursery rhyme songs. That music in particular has been a connection point for them, I think.

I always want to remember Corban and Mara’s intense eagerness to give Haddon his gift they picked out — a really cool toy car — on our first night home. That night they all wore matching pajamas and were giddy with excitement.

Overall, things have gone really well in our first month with Haddon. Each day brings new discoveries and joys, and we couldn’t be happier that he is part of our family.

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Our family is growing! Why adoption?

In two weeks, we will legally be a family of five!

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No, I am not pregnant — and this is something we’ve been actively anticipating for much longer than nine months: adoption.

So, first, the exciting details. It’s a boy. He is 2 years, 9 months old. He lives in Harbin, China. His English name will be Haddon, after (or inspired by) the theologian C.H. (Charles Haddon) Spurgeon. Peter and I leave in just over a week to bring him home!

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I had intended on documenting the entire process from the start here, but instead found it easier to share this journey via conversations and prayer requests to friends rather than by sitting down and typing it out. At some point I do want to go back and write more about the details that led us to this point, though.

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First, I’ll tackle a question I’ve gotten (not surprisingly) a lot. What made you decide to adopt?

I think if we didn’t have biological kids or were older than we are this question might seem nosy, but for a relatively young couple with a healthy boy and girl, adoption is puzzling, or at least curiosity-inducing, to a lot of people.

I understand why and don’t begrudge anyone for asking. Most people think of adoption as something for people who can’t or don’t want to have biological kids. Adoption is a great choice for those people.

Or they think of adoption as something for very saintly people who want to give unfortunate children a better life. Adoption is the only way millions of kids worldwide have the opportunity to grow up with a family. (Though I would say saintliness is an unhealthy motivation for anything in life, including adoption.)

The reality is adoption fills a need and desire for both parents and children, and I think it’s healthiest to acknowledge both parties’ needs.

So the short answer to “what made you decide to adopt?” is because we want more kids and there are kids out there who need families.

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From the start of our relationship, Peter has talked about wanting to adopt. Before then, I had never really considered it, mainly out of ignorance. It just didn’t cross my mind, but I had no qualms about it. As we talked about it more and because Peter felt strongly about adoption, it quickly became a foregone conclusion as we thought about the future. We are fortunate to have come to know a number of adoptive families over the years and that just encouraged us even more.

So the superficial “why” I sometimes find myself reciting to people quickly when they ask why we are adopting is, “We’ve just always wanted to.”

But there’s more to it than any of that. Why do we feel called to be one of those families when it would be far easier to just have more biological children? Why would we choose to take on the expense—monetary, emotional, mental, physical—of adoption?

Our deeper motivation comes from looking at our status in relationship to God. Through Christ’s redeeming work for us, we “receive adoption as sons.” (Galatians 4:5) We are born under the law, but through Jesus we are called sons of God, receiving the full inheritance of Christ.

In Romans 8:14-17, Paul writes:

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

The Creator of the universe loved lowly, little me enough to adopt me as his child. Adoption is a beautiful, mysterious picture of our relationship with our Father—not because we were born His, but because he pursued us and made us His own children.

I’m not equipped to explain it all very well in my own words, but John Piper has an excellent exposition on adoption, where he lays out eight similarities between God adopting us and us adopting children.

Number seven is especially moving to me. A snippet: “The distance between what we are, and what God is, is infinitely greater than any distance between us and a child we might adopt. God crossed the greatest cultural barrier to redeem and adopt us.”

Jesus paid the greatest price for our adoption, so any cost we bear in adopting our son is pennies in comparison. We rely on God’s grace for the strength we will need for the job (just as with parenting our biological kids) and rest in His promises.

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Corban’s 5th birthday party

I have fond memories of my fifth birthday party. It’s always stuck in my mind as one of my favorite childhood birthday parties. I don’t know if there are pictures or videos recording parts of it (probably, but I haven’t seen them in decades) so all that my mind really has is a vague sense of fun and joy, and memories of jumping in a bouncy house in our backyard on a warm summer day.

It’s strange to me that my firstborn is now old enough to have these types of memories for himself—perhaps an internal recording of excitement and happiness that will stick with him in the coming years. With that in mind, I wanted his fifth birthday party to be a special one.

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(I should note it was nearly three months ago, but birthday parties are apparently the one thing I feel obligated to record here regardless of how long it takes me to do so.)

While I wanted the party to be special for Corban, I also wanted it to be really simple for me to plan. After Mara’s Three Little Pigs shindig a few months earlier and his pirate party last year, I wasn’t really up for DIY and creativity. So I booked a party at our favorite local gymnastics place (Swiss Turners) instead of hosting it at our house.

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The party included an hour of gymnastics fun for Corban and a small group of friends followed by a half hour of scarfing down pizza and cupcakes and opening presents in the party room upstairs.

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The kids had a blast in the gym. The two instructors did a great job keeping the little ones in line (with some parental support).

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Pretty much all I did was jazz up the invitations provided by Swiss Turners, bake cupcakes, slice some raw vegetables and make a birthday banner. We didn’t need to do much to the party room.

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I used two tried and true recipes: Fresh Strawberry Cupcakes and Buttermilk Chocolate Cupcakes with this fudge frosting.

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There isn’t much else to say about the party. Corban had a ton of fun with his friends (he said the trampoline “boat” game was his favorite) and it was sweet for me to just sit back and watch him and the other kids run, jump and play.

I shot a bunch of blurry, poorly lit photos to try to capture the moments. Here are some highlights.

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It’s a little late to end by saying “happy birthday, Corban,” so instead I’ll get emotional for a moment after looking back at these photos.

Five is such a milestone age in my mind. It feels lightyears older than four, and it’s the age at which Corban will go off to school for the first time. (Sob!) Birthdays are such a bittersweet reminder of how quickly the months go by and how fast our little people grow and change. I love this boy so much and am enjoying every stage with him.

Mara at 2 1/2 years old

I wrote this post five months ago, and it’s been sitting in the drafts folder just weighing me down all that time. I think these kid update posts are starting to stress me out—too much pressure to perfectly capture the essence of a changing, growing person. So, I’m just going to get over that for now and post this little imperfect throwback… and in the future hopefully I’ll be in this space more often with shorter, in-the-moment updates on life and family (I do have a lot I’ve been wanting to share!).

So… pretend this is March! (Side note: I can’t believe Mara will turn three in less than a month.)

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Written March 2016: Mara at 2 1/2 years old is feisty, funny, friendly and… I can’t think of another good word that starts with “F.”

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Her personality at this age is a study in extremes, equally adorable and outrageous. I don’t want to forget her little quirks.

Like her alarming consistency in saying “off” when she means “on,” “Basil” when she means “Biggles” (our cats), “black” when she means “white” and “open” when she means “close” (I’m not sure whether we should be concerned about this).

Or her love for her glow-in-the-dark skeleton pajamas, which we “charge” on the lamp every night before turning off all the lights in her room while she dances around like a crazed set of glowing bones.

Or how if you call her “buddy” or “big girl” she retorts, “I not a buddy; I Mara!”

Or how she takes it really seriously if you pretend to take a bite of her cheek, demanding that you put it back.

Mara loves to play mama to her baby doll, stuffed animals and me. It’s sweet to see our own parenting reflected in her play as she bounces her baby, talks to her in my cadence and zooms a spoon into her mouth like a train. She loves to be in charge.

She could stand on her step stool at the kitchen sink for hours playing with the water (I don’t let her waste that much water, though).

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Other favorite activities include putting stickers on everything…

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playing doctor…

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brushing my hair…

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“drawing ‘M’s” (or “the mark of the Mara” as I call it—her signature M-like zig-zag)…

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being chased around, playing with flashlights, jumping off of furniture and going down slides at the park or on our Fischer Price slide in the basement.

“Watch dis! Mama, watch dis!” is a phrase I hear on repeat as she hails her audience before demonstrating a jump or silly face.

When she’s into something, she’s relentless about pursuing it. It’s a huge struggle to tear her away from her favorite activity: looking at photos and videos I’ve taken on my phone. Whether she’s set on collecting every empty communion cup from the pews at church or washing her own hands, stubborn is definitely a word that applies to Mara—so unlike her easygoing infant self.

She’s particular about what she wears and whether her hair is pulled back or in a bow (this is often more about control than it is looks). And speaking of hair, now that she has more of it she definitely looks like a big girl and no longer a baby.

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She picks this outfit out a lot.

My big girl still loves (that’s an understatement) her pacifier, but is now totally potty trained.

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She is getting harder to put to bed at night now that she realizes Corban gets to stay up later than her, and has learned some stall tactics to even out their bedtimes a bit. She is a very good napper and will occasionally nap with Corban on his bunk beds, but usually she’s in her crib in the nursery.

She calls people “‘bodies” (pronounced like “buddies,” but short for “everybody”). Ex: “Are ‘bodies coming over?”

We have a few book obsessions: “Snuggle Puppy” (by Sandra Boynton), “Spot Goes to the Beach” (by Eric Hill), “Mommy Hugs” (by Karen Katz), “Goodnight Moon” and a few others in heavy rotation.

Mara is still big on singing. Her little voice is a precious sound, and yes, she too is obsessed with songs from “Hamilton.”

She fell while playing on a playground about a month ago, badly bruising her cheek and developing a black eye. It looked horrible and you can imagine how many times strangers stopped to comment on it. Mara would just tell them in a no-big-deal tone, “Fell on playground.”

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She waves at and says hi to people everywhere we go, and if they don’t reciprocate she says in a sad little voice, “They didn’t wave to me,” or, “They no say hi to me.”

It warms my heart to see Corban and Mara play together, often making up games to get each other excited. They are best buds and spend just about every waking moment together. It’s hard to even tear them apart to take one along to the store while the other stays home or have one ride with me and the other with Peter if we end up driving home from somewhere in two cars. If Corban is upset about something, sometimes Mara will pat him on the back, cock her head and say in a high pitched voice, “It’s OK, buddy.”

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Their influence on one another is a double-edged sword—they’re either encouraging each other to behave and obey or to misbehave and drive us crazy. But as long as I can get one on board with whatever I’m trying to get them to do, the other usually will follow.

Mara is still snuggly, loving to be held and often kissing us out of the blue and saying, “I love you, Mama,” or “I love you, sweetie pie.”

Here’s a photo dump of highlights from the last few months.

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Sipping great-grandpa’s cider at Thanksgiving.

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Cousins at Thanksgiving.

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Cousins at Christmas.

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Christmas morning.

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Loving the snow…

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…but loving the hot chocolate afterward even more.

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Thankful for thick glass.

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So much love for the baby gorilla statue at the zoo.

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…and for the woman in the medicare ad.

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Blankets, doughnut pillow, purple pacifier and life is good.

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Great-grandparents while visiting Florida.

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Florida vacation… Mara was calling the sand “snow.”

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Cousins in Florida.

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Check out that mug. Mara was not interested in making friends with the lady at the post office who took it. (Passport was for the cruise we went on in April.)

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Madison zoo (it’s free).

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Those sweet little hands!

 

Corban at 4 years, 3 months old

Before I let any more time go by I want to capture the fun and ferocity that are Corban and Mara right now. Let’s start with my firstborn.

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It is so much fun to see Corban’s mind at work* as he soaks up new ideas and begins to see how they are applied in real life. I can practically see the lines being drawn as he connects concepts across different experiences—when he learns a new word then hears it used the next day in a different context, puts letter sounds together and sees how they form a word or starts to grasp the connection between the faces on his “Presidents of the United States” placemat and the characters in “Hamilton.”

Speaking of “Hamilton”…

Both kids are obsessed, but we are taking a little break from listening to the cast recording because Corban is starting to pick up a little too much from it. He and Mara both love a few songs enough that Corban has them just about entirely memorized, including phrases like “I’m the ‘damful’ that shot him,” (as he pronounces it) and “I will kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.” It makes me so, so happy to share things like brilliant musicals with them (and it is pretty fun that Corban’s starting to learn about our country’s history because of it), but we are switching back to children’s catechism and scripture songs for a while—music with lyrics that are 100% OK (and wonderful) to repeat.

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Corban also is obsessed with his Wildlife Fact File, a.k.a. remember those binders with pages about various animals that would come in the mail? Peter’s mom found one at their house from back in the day, and we read a few pages every day and learn so many interesting facts about animals.

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Photo credit: Wade Tregaskis

Books

He loves to be read to in general, and we all enjoyed intentionally reading through the “Jesus Storybook Bible” start to finish in about three weeks during Advent. Other current favorites are still Beatrix Potter stories, “Where the Wild Things Are” and nursery rhymes/fairy tales from anthologies.

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School

Corban is also very into his Sunday School class and Primary Praise (children’s worship) at church. He often asks when he is going to go to preschool (this is probably partially because adults ask him this ALL the time) and I know he would love it if we decided to send him. But as of right now we have no plans for 4K (for a variety of reasons).

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Perpetual bedhead

Play

While last year was all about pirates, this year is shaping up to be all about super heroes. That’s the favorite game these days. Corban also is a card shark—Go Fish, Uno, War and Slapjack are popular in our house. He plays endlessly with little action figure-type toys, animals and cars, but is also a very physical kid, always climbing on things and jumping off furniture. When he plays outside it’s all bikes and sports. He doesn’t usually opt to color or do art unless we have a specific activity planned.

He and Mara are two peas in a pod, always playing together. They love each other well but do fight over toys like any siblings.

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Learn

Like I mentioned, Corban is starting to understand how letter sounds form words. He sounded out a word almost fully by himself the other day (“Max”) and it felt like one of those special parenting moments like when he took his first steps. He is far from actually reading, but I just recently started working with him a little more intentionally using some Montessori methods for learning letters/words and it’s crazy how even just a tiny bit of that goes a long way when a child is ready for it. He has this letters activity book that he loves, and I’ve noticed recently he seems to be “getting” it and can complete the activities correctly on his own. We are more of a “learning through play” style family, but his brain seems to be ripe for phonics right now.

“Why?”

Corban continues to be very inquisitive and a HUGE fan of the question, “Why?” My response is almost always, “Why do you think?” and I would encourage every person who hears this question from a child to respond that way. Corban almost always has a theory in mind and a lot of the time he’s right, or he’s looking at it in a way that I hadn’t thought about.

I simply relish how uninhibited he is with sharing his heart with me and asking questions about life. This age is also sweet because everywhere we go and everything we do is a learning opportunity. I love how curious he is and it’s fun to explain life to a kid who devours everything you say!

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“Learning” about senses and nature on a hike. Also saw a hawk eating a dead animal–wildlife in action!

Some recent firsts

The other weekend I took Corban to see a musical at FirstStage, “Just a Little Critter Musical.” It was geared at the preschool set but was just as entertaining and thought-provoking for parents. Every kid in the place seemed to be enthralled, including Corban. I’ll be keeping an eye out for the next preschool-geared show there.

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We also took both kids to their first movie at the movie theater this past weekend, “Zootopia.” I think Peter and I loved it even more than the kids. Corban enjoyed the whole experience but keeps talking about this one borderline scary scene (which thankfully Mara and I were in the bathroom during). It felt liberating to be able to take the kids with us to the movie theater (Mara was pretty antsy, though).

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Peter bought a used Nintendo 64 late last year and introduced Corban to his first video games (much to my chagrin, though I probably need to lighten up). We will play Mario Kart, Starfox or this WWE wrestling game (which Corban somehow wins at) maybe once a week. Corban is quite into it (that might be an understatement). The nice part is that we play together as a family.

A few words I’d use to describe Corban:

Observant, social, silly, curious, loving, cautious.

Up next: Mara update (and more posts that have been sitting in drafts, hopefully soon!)

*work, work.

Corban at age 4

I told Corban his birth story for the first time the other day. I relived out loud the joyous memory of meeting him for the first time, and he was all smiles. I think hearing it made him feel very special and loved, and that makes my heart leap.

Then I relived it on my own yesterday. This is the first year since Corban was born that I worked on his birthday. Walking out of the building at 5:30 p.m. unexpectedly brought me right back to that exact place and time four years earlier, when I hurried to my car in the freezing cold, tears pulling from my eyes due to the wind, mind racing with nerves and questions, knowing I was likely going into labor.

The memories were so vivid, it felt like I could have been thrown right back into that night (only it was much warmer and I was walking to a different parking garage this time). How little has changed since then, and yet how very, very much.

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On his 4th birthday.

Corban and Mara both have this birthday book, which includes a questionnaire for each birthday. I sat Corban down yesterday to record his answers using the StoryCorps app (which is excellent, by the way).

There’s one point in the interview that embodies the spontaneous and surprising hilarity that is a hallmark of this age: he gets frustrated with me and calls me a “nasty [or possibly naughty] hedgehog.” No idea where that phrase came from.

Here is the full interview.

The photos I rifled through for this post are a measuring stick for the subtle changes Corban has gone through between his third and fourth birthdays. Not just in his appearance, though look at the comparison from last year:

The changes that were more apparent in the photos were the fears he’s overcome and the skills he’s acquired in the last year. He’s matured in measurable ways.

For example, in January, this was as far as he would get in a pool without screaming.

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And here’s Corban today at swim lessons.

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He even jumped in without holding the teacher’s hands for the first time today.

And last year at Lindner Pumpkin Farm, he was afraid to ride the barrel train. This year…

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Last year at Cozy Nook Farm he was afraid to feed the cows. This year…

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He’s a machine on his balance bike (I’m betting age four is going to be the year he rides a regular bike without training wheels).

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He learned how to ride the big kid swings this year, and is pretty successful at pumping his legs.

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(He must have worn that outfit every day this fall, ha.)

Corban at age four is is so very observant. He sees, hears, learns, remembers everything (good or bad). He is curious—he’ll “Why?” you till you give up answering, and then some—and is so refreshingly open (though I’m starting to see some self-awareness creep in on this trait I love so much).

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He loves us and his extended family so purely and fervently. And he is so cuddly. It. is. glorious. I want to snuggle his soft little self forever.

But he’s not so little anymore! At 40 pounds, he’s getting harder to pick up.

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He is definitely an extrovert at this age, in the sense that he loves being around people. He takes advantage of every minute with his aunts, uncles and grandparents, and asks every day if he’ll get to see his friends. It’s a huge challenge to get him to leave any social situation.

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Corban can be so sweet and loving toward Mara. In some ways, I know he looks up to her.

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Of course, they fight and bicker at this age (and probably will at every age), but I am so thankful they have each other and pray they will remain close. It makes me so happy to see their relationship develop as they play and scheme together.

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Corban is also very active and loves sports of every kind. Baseball, racquetball…

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He became obsessed with mini-golf this summer, and has played in three states with more holes-in-one than me.

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He was so excited to go to dance class with our nanny’s daughter recently. I think he was expecting something a little more wild than preschool ballet, though.

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Bocce ball… he’s on it.

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Snow… he doesn’t ever want to come inside.

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Hiking… he’ll complain at first, but then hike two challenging miles and proclaim, “I love hiking!”

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Some other favorites:

  • Jake and the Neverland Pirates
  • Beatrix Potter stories
  • Go Fish
  • Candyland (and other board games)
  • Toy cars and trucks
  • School buses (I always know when there’s a school bus nearby)
  • His “activity books” (these two preschool workbooks he does)
  • Playing outside
  • Building forts
  • Taking pictures with my big camera
  • Sunday school, and any songs with hand motions they do in church
  • Candy/treats (ever since Halloween this has been a big thing)

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Sunday school Christmas song this past week.

Being Corban’s mom has slowly but dramatically changed my heart and grown my capacity to love in new ways. I love every part of him, even his tantrums and lies and ridiculous stunts and unreasonable behavior. I can’t imagine stopping loving him.

It is such a sweet, small picture of God’s love for me. Beautiful.

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We did have a little birthday party for Corban on Saturday that was so much fun. I will share details soon!

Jake and the Neverland Pirates Halloween costumes

Corban’s favorite TV show is “Jake and the Neverland Pirates”—it’s a spinoff of Disney’s “Peter Pan” about a crew of nice pirates (Jake, Izzy and Cubby) who interact with Captain Hook, Smee and their gang. He’s been in full Jake/pirate mode since last year, so naturally he wanted to be Jake for Halloween.

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Of course this is the prime age for adorable coordinating sibling costumes, so I convinced Mara to be Tinker Bell (she makes a guest appearance on the show once in a while—it’s set in Neverland, after all).

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Corban wanted to get the whole family involved, including stuffed animals, so Peter dressed up as Smee and I was Izzy. The stuffed animals were on their own for costumes, though. (Corban sighed last night, “But Quacky doesn’t have a Scully costume…”)

After browsing the costume selection available online, I decided it would be fun and easy to make all of our costumes.

Fun, it certainly was. Easy? Well, that would be a stretch. It was definitely doable, but all the little details added up and this ended up being the most ambitious costume undertaking I’ve attempted.

But I really did have a blast putting all four costumes together, and I’m pleased with how they turned out.

If you’re looking to make a DIY Jake, Izzy, Smee or Tinker Bell costume, read on for details on each of them.

First, some highlights from our Halloween:

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Halloween crafts at the library, and the first test run of the costume. 

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Somehow we wrangled 15 kids into a Halloween party photo.

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There’s my Izzy costume.

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This poor pumpkin didn’t stand a chance.

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Carved a pirate pumpkin.

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And got a little fancy.

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Eager to start trick-or-treating.

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Tink didn’t end up doing much walking. Plus, it was cold and misting.

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Pretty good haul. I showed them how to sort their candy.

Now, for the costume tutorials…

 

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Jake the pirate

There are three basic parts to a Jake costume: The shirt, the vest and the boots. Let’s start with the easiest one.

Jake’s T-shirt

White T-shirt
About 10 inches black ribbon

Cut the collar and sleeve hems off the T-shirt. Cut a few slits in each sleeve and make a 3- or 4-inch cut down from the middle of the collar.

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Cut two slits on each side of that cut and slide a black ribbon through to form a loose X. Tie the ribbon at the bottom inside the shirt.

Jake’s vest

Navy blue T-shirt
Yellow bias tape (found in the sewing department of a fabric/craft store—it is more like ribbon)
Fusible bonding web (such as Stitch Witchery)
4 yellow buttons
Yellow thread and needle

Cut off the shirt’s sleeves and collar and cut straight down the middle of the shirt to make a vest.

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The 3T shirt ended up being a little too small, so for the final version I used a 5T (Corban is 3, going on 4).

Iron the bias tape to remove any creases. Iron the vest to make a collar.

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Starting from the bottom of one flap of the vest, use the bonding web to attach the bias tape along the edge of the shirt. Since bias tape consists of several layers folded lengthwise, I actually attached mine around the edge—using bonding web on both the inside and outside of the vest. This looks nicer than just attaching it to the outside of the vest.

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Work your way along the edge of the shirt, lining the flap of the collar*, around the back of the neck**, back down the other collar and around the back of the vest, cutting the bias tape into sections as needed (I used six separate sections of tape).

*I attached part of the collar flap to the shirt with bonding web to help keep it in place:

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**”Pop” the collar up as you go around:

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Sew two buttons on each side of the vest. (Side note, why are buttons so expensive?! It took me a good hunt to find inexpensive yellow buttons that were the right size and color.)

Jake’s boot covers

This was a serious challenge for me, so I’m pretty proud that they turned out. They fit over shoes and are a lot cheaper than Uggs (plus, you can paint Jake’s signature “J” on them). Here’s what you need:

4 yards brown felt
This pattern
Yellow paint (I just used some acrylic I had)

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I followed this tutorial. The biggest challenge was to decipher the instructions since they were a bit confusing at parts. One thing I didn’t realize until my mom stepped in to help is that “right sides” in sewing lingo means the sides you want to show in the end, not the sides opposite the left. With felt, it doesn’t matter, but knowing that will help clarify the linked instructions. Another helpful hint: at the start of step 5, turn the boots rightside out.

One thing we (my mom) added was to fold and hand stitch the tops of the cuffs into the boot. (Yikes, it’s not easy writing sewing instructions!)

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After the boots are constructed, use a paintbrush to paint a solid gold rectangle on the tops of the feet and Js on the insides of the cuffs. Strangely, the J on Jake’s left boot is a mirror image of the right, so it’s backwards. (I’ve Googled “Jake pirate” images an embarrassing number of times while working on this costume.)

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Other Jake elements

Red headband—just a thick strip of red fabric (we already had one from a pirate costume I’ve worn)

Hair—Find some mega extreme hold hair gel (that’s how the one I used marketed itself) and spike that hair straight up in front.

Thick black belt/cummerbund—you could cut up an old T-shirt or do what I did and tie a pair of black tights around your son’s waist (tuck in the ends in the back)

Wooden sword—Peter insisted we buy this instead of attempt to make it. I’m glad we did even though we payed way more than we should have on Amazon for an apparently discontinued Disney Store set of Jake accessories. It’s foam and nice and Corban loves it, plus it came with a spyglass (much better than the paper towel roll I had planned) and pouch of gold dubloons.

Tinker Bell

There are a lot of routes you can take with Tinker Bell. I wanted to be as authentic to the Disney version as possible while making it appropriate for a two-year-old (um, look at Tink…she is a mature, scantily clad woman).

My plan was to do something like this, but use a leotard instead of sewing the body myself. I found an adorable mint green leotard, but at the last minute decided the mint green didn’t look right, so ended up hand-sewing an alternative last night. It was a smart move. Here are the elements of our toddler Tink costume.

Tinker Bell’s skirt

1 1/4 yards green fabric (get something that won’t fray)
Matching green thread
Non-roll elastic (for the waist)
Ruffled ribbon/trim (for the waist)
1 roll cream or white tulle
Thin elastic (for the waist of the tutu)

I followed this tutorial for the skirt. It was simple, even for a sewing novice like me. The ruffled ribbon is a good addition to cover up the seam along the waist.

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Tulle tutus are the easiest thing to make. Just loop-tie strips of tulle to a thin elastic waistband. It’s a fun touch for under the Tinker Bell skirt.

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Tinker Bell’s top

White long sleeve shirt
Leftover green fabric from the skirt
Matching green thread

Cut and pin green fabric to the shirt, starting under the arm on one side and continuing all the way around the shirt. Hand stitch the fabric to the shirt, then stitch it down the side. You’ll tuck the shirt in, so don’t worry about the bottom.

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Tinker Bell’s wings

This took me a bunch of finagling and trial and error. I will try to explain what I did, though.

2 white wire hangers
Pliers
1 pair white adult women’s tights
Small piece of tape
Thin elastic
Glitter glue (optional—I never ended up adding it)

Tink’s wings each have a tall pointed section on top and a smaller, round part on bottom. For a toddler, one hanger is plenty large enough for each wing. First, untwist the necks of the hangers and use pliers to form each into the shape of the wings. Leave a few inches of the end sticking out from the middle and use that part to hook the two wings together by twisting them around each other.

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Now, unhook the wings from one another (stay with me for a minute). Cut the legs off the tights and stretch them tightly over the wings starting over the top section of wing. I twisted them a little in between the two wing sections to help keep the shape, then pulled the open end of the tights back up to the middle after going over the bottom section.

Poke the end of the wire (the part that will hook the wings together) through the tights once the tights are in place. Now, re-connect the wings. The ends of the tights will just be hanging out for now. Wrap tape around the connecting pieces of wire to keep them together (it’s OK if it’s not totally secure at this point).

Tie the thin elastic into a loop that will fit across your little one’s back and hook around her arms. Poke the elastic into the hole of the tights on one wing and finagle it to loop around a section of wire inside, then repeat on the other wing so the wings now have elastic straps coming out from the middle.

Tie the loose ends of the tights together around the connecting wire, pulling one leg around the back, then tying it together with the other leg on the side of the wings that will be facing out (the side without the elastic straps), then bringing both sides around to the side with the elastic and tying them together there (so the legs are tied together on both the front and the back of the wings).

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Paint glitter onto the wings if desired.

Tinker Bell’s magic wand

1 chop stick or other thin, wooden stick
Silver washi tape
White or cream tulle

Wrap washi tape around the stick in a spiral motion to cover.

Make two tulle pom poms. To make each, cut 20-30 4-inch strips of tulle (1/2-inch-wide). Lay a wider (2- to 3-inch-wide) 4-inch strip of tulle down and stack the 20-30 strips perpendicular on top of it. Tie the thicker strip around the center of the stack of strips and knot it tightly, then knot the ends around the end of the tape-covered stick. Repeat to make the second pom pom and tie it to the same end of the stick but on the opposite side. Tape the ends of the tulle strips you used to tie the pom poms together down to the stick, using the same spiral taping motion to cover them completely.

Separate the 1/2-inch strips in all directions to form a puffy ball, trimming where necessary to form a sphere around the tip of the stick.

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Other Tink elements

Shoes—Make tulle pom poms as described above, but tie or pin them to the toes of a pair of white or green ballet flats (technically Tink wears green shoes).

Hair—She wears her hair in a high bun with a little ribbon around it and bangs sweeping down and to the side.

Izzy the pirate

Izzy’s shirt

Light pink T-shirt
Darker pink permanent marker

Cut the hems off the sleeves and bottom of a light pink T-shirt. Cut wide scallops around the bottom and sleeves. Outline the edges in marker, adding loops between each scallop. Outline the neckline, adding an upside down V shape at the neck (I messed this part up so it looks pretty bad).

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Izzy’s bandana

Medium pink bandana or old T-shirt
Light pink fabric paint

If using an old T-shirt, cut the hem off the bottom, then cut straight up the middle as high as you can get before hitting graphics, or up to about the sternum or mid-back. Cut all the way around the shirt from that point, so you end up with a large rectangle. Cut it into an obtuse triangle.

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Paint loops and dots along the edge of the triangle, as pictured.

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Izzy’s pouch necklace

8-inch circle of yellow fabric
24-inch strip of felt (1/4- to 1/2-inch wide) or two 12-inch strips (or use brown yarn, string or cord)

We had a pouch lying around so I just used that, but you can easily make one by cutting a circle from yellow fabric and gathering the edges together to form a pouch. Tie the felt strips or string around the top to secure it. On the show, this pouch contains pixie dust.

Other Izzy elements

Hair—Pigtails, or if your hair is really long like mine then add braids in to keep it under control. Wrap strips of brown felt around each pigtail. Corban called me out because Izzy has a piece of hair sticking out from the front, so if your hair is the right length to do that, you should probably do it.

Boots—I just wore my Minnetonkas, but you could make boot covers like the Jake ones I made, just without the painted parts (note the pattern I used is for toddler size 8 to 10).

Pants—Izzy wears purple pants. I found these purple fleece-lined leggings on Amazon for $5. They are super warm and comfy, though not the greatest quality (but hey, only five dollars!).

Earrings—Like any good pirate, Izzy wears gold hoop earrings.

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Smee

This is oh so easy, hence the reason I switched from the original plan of Peter being Captain Hook.

Hat—Bright red stocking cap.

Shirt—Blue and white striped T-shirt.

Shorts—Royal blue (it was cold so Peter wore jeans).

Glasses—He wears round glasses on the tip of his nose. (Forgot this.)

Belly—Stuff a pillow in if you don’t naturally have a pot belly. Peter was going to, but ended up not bothering.

Kidventures: NEWaukee Night Market

Food, music, art, shopping, “activities” (as I sold it to Corban)… the NEWaukee Night Market is a free open air market that sets up one Wednesday a month from June through September on West Wisconsin Avenue in Milwaukee.

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Half our Wednesday evenings are spent with our church Community Group, so it never worked out for us to go last summer. But last month, the market finally fell on a Wednesday we were free, so I marked my calendar well in advance for it.

I’m so glad I did! It was energizing to see that area of downtown–not “bad,” but relatively lifeless for being in the heart of downtown–made vibrant by Milwaukeeans out on a beautiful weeknight enjoying a curated sampling of local culture.

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Had we not had Corban and Mara with us, I would have loved to peruse all the booths of local makers. From what I saw, it was like a classy craft fair, with people selling handmade items that appeal to modern taste.

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Instead, we said hi to Peter’s co-workers at the Pick ‘N’ Save nacho bar (only $1), ate fancy tacos, roasted marshmallows, danced to music, watched an ice sculptor and a painter at work and stumbled upon an outdoor story time hosted by the Milwaukee Public Library.

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I love events like this that are friendly to any age.

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There are two more Night Markets this summer: Wednesday, Aug. 19 and Sept. 16.

This was on my big list of summer fun. See the full list here.

Sciency fun: Pool noodle marble track

We checked off another at-home item on our big list of summer fun the other week, and it is too good not to share.

Inspired by this blog post and the fun my kids had at an exhibit at the children’s museum featuring golf balls on wooden tracks, we made this genius creation: a marble track.

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It cost $3 total for two pool noodles and a giant bag of marbles at the dollar store. I used a serrated bread knife to slice the noodles in half, taped them end-to-end with patterned duct tape and then let the fun begin. It took less than five minutes to make our giant track.

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Corban has been having a blast with it for the past week. He’s gotten more confident in creating his own configurations, experimenting with different heights, curves and items at the end for the marble (or “narble,” as he calls it) to roll into. I love how he’s unknowingly learning about velocity and friction–but to him it’s just fun. Yay physics!

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Mara likes to help but sometimes gets in the way of big brother’s fun, so I’d say this is more appropriate for ages 3+ (I find it just as much fun as Corban, so it’d be great for older kids too). The shorter race track version like my inspiration would be easier for younger ones.

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Our cats are fascinated by it, too, so this is definitely something the whole family can enjoy!

Homemade Strawberry Coconut Lime Popsicles

We’ve been steadily checking items off our big list of summer fun. Today, since the weather was a bit meh and I was feeling estranged from our house, we stayed home and finally got around to making popsicles.

These recipes all sound fancy and fantastic, but it was 7:30 a.m. and I had two tiny helpers, so a real recipe wasn’t going to happen. Here’s what we improvised instead.

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Strawberry Coconut Lime Popsicles
Makes about 8 popsicles

1 can coconut milk
10-15 frozen strawberries
Juice of 1/2 lime
Maple syrup, to taste
Unsweetened, shredded coconut

Do not shake the can of coconut milk before opening. Open and skim off the layer of cream from the top (reserve for another use — like coconut whipped cream!). Add about half the remaining coconut milk, frozen strawberries, lime juice and maple syrup to a blender and blend until smooth, adding more coconut milk if needed. Add a handful of unsweetened coconut flakes and pulse until combined.

Sprinkle a pinch of coconut flakes in the bottom of each popsicle mold and fill each mold with the puree. Insert the popsicle sticks and freeze until hard, about 4 hours. For us, that meant lunchtime!

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Great success!

They aren’t too sweet, but were a huge treat to the kids. Mara mowed hers down to a stump then traded me for the remaining half of my popsicle. Nice move, little one.

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