Working mama

After four months off work, then three months working 20 hours a week, I returned to work full time the second week in July.

It was an emotional time. We were trying to find a new nanny (so not fun). I was super busy at work and traveling for weddings on the weekends, and faced three weekends in a row of travels right after starting back full time. Then I found out I would not be permitted to work from home one day a week like I had originally thought.

I cried. The reality that I would spend five days a week seeing Corban for just two hours a day (if I’m lucky) was overwhelming. That work-from-home day would have helped immensely, but my boss wasn’t having it. I started to question whether this was the right choice anymore.

I briefly considered simply not going back to full time, but realized I needed to at least give it a try to see how it would go.

To ease the pain a little, I started scheduling vacation days – one a week through September. Thankfully, I had an awesome intern who helped make that not a big deal. That one extra day off has really helped so far.

The other factor that helps the situation is having an excellent nanny. We really hit the jackpot with the person we found, and I know Corban is being very well taken care of with lots of age-appropriate activities and playtime with with her and her son, who is around his age.

So here I am, six-ish weeks later. I’m managing better than expected. It’s not so bad on a day-to-day basis, but I occasionally have disappointed moments when I realize I won’t be the mom who takes her baby to mommy and me classes or meets up with a play group at a splash pad. I still picture myself doing that, and maybe someday I will, but I’m coming to grips with the reality that I can’t have it all (no one can). And Corban isn’t missing anything at this point by us not leading that lifestyle. Heck, his weekdays are continuous play dates with our nanny’s son, and he doesn’t know the difference between a splash pad and the baby pool on the deck. And we spend lots of time together whenever I’m home and he’s awake.

All in all, I feel blessed to have a job I mostly enjoy and the means to afford a caregiver I trust. For as sad as it is to kiss C goodbye each morning, I admit, it also is nice to be able to leave the house each day and go out and be an adult. There, I said it.

So I guess, so far so good? My feelings on this matter change about as often as Corban’s diaper, and I’m not sure if any mom out there is satisfied 100% of the time with her decision to work or not, so I guess I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this impossible balance.

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